Contributing Your Thoughts
Contributing Your Thoughts
To speak and to speak well are two things. A fool may speak talk, but a wise man speaks.
– Ben Jonson
Introduction
You are expected to contribute in each social setting you find yourself in. The act of expressing one’s viewpoints is a method of revealing one’s self to the outside world and of constructing the picture that one wishes to show to others. It also serves as an invitation for the other person to voice their opinion, so laying the groundwork for an interesting conversation or heated argument. In this lesson, we will go through the skills that you can utilize while expressing your opinion to others. In particular, we will go over how to communicate using I-messages, how to dispute in a healthy way, and how to reach consensus.
Maintaining a neutral tone
A communication that is centered on the person who is communicating it is called a “I-message.” When you employ “I” messages, rather than blaming the other person for how you feel, you admit that you are the one who is responsible for your emotions and take ownership of them. A communication that focuses on you, the recipient, is known as a “You-message.” The following elements make up what we call a “I-message”:
A description of the matter at hand or the difficulty Describe the behaviour of the person to whom you are reacting in a way that is objective, does not assign blame, and does not pass judgment.
Whenever you use “when,” describe a concrete or measurable consequence of the behaviour in question.
The impacts are as follows… A recommendation for alternative behaviours “I’d like … ”
The following is an illustration of an I-message: “I grow annoyed when I have to wait outside the office for an additional hour because you didn’t warn me that you’d be late (problem/issue)” (effect). If you are unable to make it, it would be helpful if you could let me know by sending me a note (alternative behaviour).”
The fact that I-messages are objective is without a doubt the quality that sets them apart the most. These statements do not make any attempt to dispute, threaten, or place blame in any way. The idea of an I-message is that “I have an issue” rather than “You have a problem,” therefore you avoid making the other person defensive in this type of conversation. The speaker merely makes assertions and accepts complete responsibility for his or her emotions.
Constructive disagreements
Disagreement is perfectly acceptable in any context. Because no two persons are absolutely identical to one another, it is unavoidable that they will have different opinions on at least one topic. Taking a stand and being willing to defend it is also perfectly acceptable behaviour.
If you want to get the most out of an argument, you need to make sure it stays on track. The following are some of the components that make up a healthy argument between two parties:
Solution-focus. The goal of the argument is to arrive at a solution that can be implemented at the end of the discussion.
Mutual Respect. Even if both parties disagree with one another, civility should still be given the highest importance at all times.
Win-Win Situation. To disagree with someone in a way that is constructive does not mean to do so with the intention of coming out on top. Finding a solution that is beneficial to both parties should always take priority in any situation.
Reasonable Concessions. Finding a solution that benefits all parties entails compromising on some of your goals. In order to meet the other person halfway, you are going to have to make some sort of sacrifice. When parties engage in constructive disagreement, they remain open to the possibility of moving forward with the discussion by making acceptable concessions.
Learning-Focused. Conflicts, from the perspective of parties who engage in constructive disagreement, are seen as chances to gain feedback on the effectiveness of a system so that any necessary adjustments can be made. They also see it as a challenge to be flexible and creative in order to come up with solutions that are beneficial to everyone involved.
Brief check
Interpersonal communication skills are those, which you will need, every day in your life – be it in your professional or your personal life. They are some of the most important skills that you need to focus on as a large percentage of your life involves interacting with people; friends, colleagues, relations or your boss.
Unanimous agreements
A consensus refers to unanimity of opinion or agreement on a contentious issue. The most successful way to end a round of bargaining is by reaching a consensus. Anger can be avoided or mitigated if both sides can work together to find a solution that satisfies both of their needs in equal measure.
The following are some suggestions that can help you reach an agreement with others:
Pay more attention to your hobbies than to your status. Bring to light the underlying principle that is responsible for people holding the perspective that they do. A desire for more financial stability could be one of the motivations behind a request for a higher pay, for instance. If you are able to convey to the other party that you recognize this requirement and that you will only give a position that takes into mind financial stability, then there is a greater possibility that an agreement will be reached.
Together investigate the available choices. When both sides are actively participating in the process of finding a solution to the problem, the likelihood of reaching consensus is significantly increased. Consequently, this ensures that there is improved communication about the positions held by each party. In addition to this, it guarantees that resistances will be handled.
Increase the level of sameness and decrease the level of differentiation. You will increase the likelihood of reaching an agreement if you are able to highlight all that you and the other party have in common while downplaying anything that sets you apart from one another. A greater capacity for empathy can make it simpler to identify areas of similar interest. Additionally, it may lower the psychological barriers that prevent people from compromising. To illustrate the concept of growing sameness while decreasing disparities, consider the scenario in which an employer and employee momentarily put aside the difference in their positions in order to examine the issue as two stakeholders in the same firm.
Brief check
At first it may seem a simple and natural thing to do, but talking to people is a complex process and it becomes more difficult when you do not know how the other person will react. This is where effective communication comes into play.
The ability to communicate and the ability to communicate successfully are two very different things. There is a significant gap between the two. Therefore, it is necessary for a person to have effective communication skills because it can make or break trust, deals, or even change your professional path. To help you become a successful communicator in interpersonal situations, the following are some of the most significant dos and don’ts:
Ensure That Your Body Language Is Always Positive. Because “the first impression is the last impression,” as the proverb goes, you should constantly be cautious about your body language. This is especially important when it comes to making eye contact.
Body language and other forms of non-verbal communication, such as facial expressions and gestures, are claimed to account for more than half of the average conversation. Therefore, if the other person perceives negative signals being sent through your body language, the communication between the two of you will most likely become impaired.
You shouldn’t put any kind of physical barrier between you and the other person, as that is another important thing to keep in mind about this situation. The act of communicating can become awkward and a source of distraction when there are barriers in the way.
Do not speak over the other person at any time. Interrupting someone when they are trying to communicate with you is a highly impolite thing to do. Nobody enjoys having their train of thought interrupted, as it is considered rude and it slows down the thinking process.
In the event that you are required to make an interruption and it is essential for you to speak at this precise moment, then you should interrupt in a polite manner. You should apologize to the person you interrupted and ask for permission to do so. Whatever it was you intended to say should explain why you interrupted them.
Always Pause to Consider Your Responses. The proverb “see before you leap” is another adage that aptly captures the essence of this statement. Before making any comments, you should give some thought to how the person you are interacting with will be affected by what you say and how your words will impact them.
That entails making an effort to identify with and empathize with the sentiments of the other person in order to convey to them that you are genuinely interested in the exchange that is taking place between the two of you.
Listen Well. It is a skill in and of itself to be able to listen to what another person is saying, and you should put a strong emphasis on doing so whenever you are speaking with other people.
If you have good listening abilities, you will be able to comprehend what that person is saying more completely and respond in a constructive way to what they say. In addition to this, it will communicate to the other person that you are interested in what it is that they have to say.
Don’t take an offensive or defensive stance; instead, maintain a neutral stance. During interactions, some individuals have a tendency to become hostile or defensive. It is not necessary for you to get defensive or hostile toward the person who calls attention to your errors when they are pointed out to you. Maintain your impartiality and candour in order to comprehend the content of the conversation that is taking place. Always strive to strike a balance in the discourse so that everyone who is taking part in it can participate in an equal and meaningful way.
Don’t Deviate. Always make an effort to remain on topic when having a conversation in order to keep the relevance of the communication process intact.
It is not necessary to introduce something that is in no way connected to the topic under discussion in order to squander the time of the people who are involved. If you go too far from the subject at hand, the whole point of having this talk will lose some of its relevance.
Have faith in the originality of your thoughts. You should never lack self-assurance in what you are saying and should always take responsibility for what you say. The other people will have a higher level of trust in you as a result of this, and the dialogue will be able to proceed with less resistance as a result.
Be receptive to the criticisms of others. There are times when it is beneficial to take a step back and be open to receiving feedback. It is important to remember that communication is a two-way street at all times. It is important that you are able to be open to receiving input from the other person and provide sincere comments if you believe it is required.
Make Sure You Employ the Appropriate Mode of Communication. You need to be aware that different kinds of scenarios call for various approaches, and that verbal communication is not the only possible form of interaction between people.
It is important that you are aware of the type of communication approach that will be most successful. Remembering the location is also an essential element to keep in mind; different modes of communication call for various settings.
Give Each Other a Robust Handshake! The manner in which you introduce yourself and shake hands is the final piece of advice, but it is certainly not the least significant.
You should offer a firm handshake, but avoid making it too tight, and you should never grip someone’s hand. A lack of self-confidence could be reflected in a shaky handshake.
Practical Application
James was never quite sure how to express his viewpoint without making other people feel like he was intruding on their space. He turned to his good friend Neil for some guidance on how to feel more at ease while discussing his disagreements with the other people working at the company. He shared with Neil that his objective is to always arrive at a solution that can be put into action once the debates have come to an end. James was given the advice by Neil to reframe his complaints as his own issues and to try using phrases like “I have a problem, rather than you have a problem,” when expressing his concerns. In addition, he recommended that James utilize strategies such as addressing challenges with a focus on finding a solution and building a consensus with everyone concerned in order to create a solution that is beneficial to all parties involved. James expressed his gratitude to his friend, and when he started putting his friend’s advice into practice, he discovered that he was far more productive during meetings at the office.
