Making and Progressing Beyond Small Conversation
Making and Progressing Beyond Small Conversation
Conversation is the fine art of mutual consideration and communication about matters of common interest that basically have some human importance.
– Ordway Tead
Introduction
Communication is just conversing to another person, often in a light-hearted manner.
Then why is it thought to be so challenging? It most definitely was not for the generation that includes our grandparents. Some observers have attributed the proliferation of social media, with its emphasis on “broadcasting” and its concentration on “me,” as being the root cause of the issue; yet, this does not make the situation any simpler.
But it’s not too late yet. Not only is it possible to acquire and improve one’s conversational abilities, but also doing so is surprisingly straightforward, particularly if one adheres to a few basic guidelines.
The Protocol for Casual Conversation
- A conversation is a street that goes in both directions: It’s not all about you, and it’s not all about the other person, either, which is the first and most crucial rule of conversation: it’s not all about either of you.
Conversation does not take place when there is only one speaker in a monologue. In each conversation you are having, it is important to strike a balance between talking and listening.
This is one of the many ways in which social media makes life more difficult. We are accustomed to airing our opinions and providing a response after others have voiced their opinions. It could feel like the beginning of a conversation at this point, but it’s not appropriate to start by airing your opinions while you’re face to face with someone else.
Instead, you may try asking a question to find something that you both agree on. For instance, “What do you do?” or even “Isn’t the weather beautiful?” are both great questions to ask.
This demonstrates that you intend to participate in the discourse. Everyone likes to be listened to, and to be asked for their views. If the conversation flags, or you feel that you are talking more than you should, useful questions include:
“What do you think about this?”
If you are not getting much response, try something like:
“But perhaps you don’t follow [current subject]. What are you interested in?”
- Smile and Make an Effort to Be Courteous: Doing so will go a long way in terms of the quality of the conversation that you have. Everyone would prefer to converse with someone who is pleasant and friendly. However, what are some of the more tangible aspects of this?
- Establish a rapport: You can establish a relationship with someone by finding some ground on which you both agree, by simply smiling and by using body language that is encouraging and supportive.
- Be courteous: refrain from making derogatory comments about other people. After all, the individual about whom you are speaking could very well be your new acquaintance’s closest companion. Even if they aren’t, your new acquaintance might not appreciate hearing negative things said about another person behind their back (and neither should you).
- When you are initially getting to know someone, you should try to steer clear of heated topics: When you have gotten to know someone better, it is acceptable to discuss political topics with them. However, when you first meet someone, it is best to remain to neutral ground. This is why so many people talk about the weather when they first meet someone. This is when the concept of “small conversation” comes into play.
Brief check
Small talk’ is, broadly, inconsequential ‘chit-chat’ about minor or un-contentious issues such as the weather, recent news items or jobs. Some people purport to despise small talk as being unimportant, or trivial, but it serves a useful function of allowing you to build rapport and establish common ground without having to invest too much emotion in the conversation. This may be particularly important for introverts.
Small talk is the part of a discussion that is known as the “ice-breaking” part; it is the means in which strangers can relax into a comfortable relationship with one another. If you are able to master the art of small talk and know how to build from this point, you can open many doors in your personal and professional life. In this section, we will speak about how to start a discussion, as well as how to skilfully ease our conversation starters into deeper levels of talk. In addition, we will talk about how to start a conversation with a question.
The Value of Conversational Small Talk
No matter how boring you find someone else, it is preferable not to tell them that!
Just bring the conversation to a nice end by saying something like, “I must just go and catch so-and-so before they go,” or something else along those lines. “Please excuse me, I promised to help with x and I see they need me now,” or “It’s been really great to chat with you,” or “Please excuse me, I promised to help with x and I see they need me now.”
Give Your Opinion on What They Have Said
Listening intently is a prerequisite for providing a sincere response to the comments made by another person. You can’t just zone out and think about what you want to say next; you have to pay attention. On the other hand, if we are completely forthright with one another, the vast majority of us will confess that this is something that we frequently do.
It is essential to pay attention to the other person and what it is that they are saying. You must also take into consideration the manner in which they are standing and moving.
Try utilizing some ‘filler’ lines, such as, “That is just so interesting, you’re really making me think hard!” if you are having trouble thinking of something to say in response and find it tough to come up with a response. Perhaps you may say something like, “Oh my goodness, that is difficult; I need to think about it.” I’ve never considered it from that angle before.”
Not only does this offer you some time to reflect on the topic at hand, but it also serves as a complement to the person you are having the conversation with, which is a positive thing to do in any circumstance.
To be of assistance to the other person, employ signalling
When people are engaged and having a good time talking to one another, the topic of discussion will flow easily from one to the other. On the other hand, if either of you or both of you are having a harder time ‘chatting,’ you could find it beneficial to use’signals’ to let the other person know when it is their turn to talk by showing them that it is their moment to talk.
Questions make up the majority of all transmitted signals. These can be open or closed, depending on your preference. Closed questions can only be answered with a yes or no.
Questions like “Don’t you agree?” and “Are you having fun at the party?” could come up in the course of the conversation. They are not really inviting the other person to participate in the conversation; rather, they are asking them to simply nod and agree with what is being said.
Open queries welcome further information. They engage the other person in conversation and extend an invitation for them to take part in the exchange. Because of this, when people talk about them, they are frequently referred to as “invitations.” Questions that are open-ended typically begin with the words “how” or “why.”
Establish Emotional Connections with Your Audience
A conversation can, of course, be carried on solely at the level of small talk, with nothing of substance being stated by either party; this is a perfectly valid possibility.
However, talking is also a method for determining whether or not you are interested in getting to know someone better and developing a relationship with that person. Understanding how to make and maintain emotional connections through speech is consequently something that can be important to know.
The key is sharing relevant information with one another. That entails being open and honest about the things that fascinate you and shape who you are as a person, as well as encouraging the other person to open up and express their thoughts.
Getting the conversation started
There are many people who are interested in beginning friendships as well as fruitful business networks, but they are unsure of how to get things started. In point of fact, for some people, going up to a total stranger and introducing yourself can be a very stressful and anxiety-inducing experience. The same is true when it comes to finding things to chat about with someone you have met before but are not very well acquainted with. The following is a list of some advice that can be used to start a conversation:
Recognize the factors that prevent you from progressing: The first thing you need to do in order to improve your conversation skills is to gain an awareness of the elements — including attitudes, feelings, and assumptions — that impede your ability to handle conversations in a skilled manner. Is it a case of shyness? Concerned about being rejected? Have trouble communicating with those in positions of authority? If you are aware of what prevents you from doing something, you may be able to better manage your anxiety and have more control over how you behave in social settings if you change how you approach such situations.
Be aware of what you have to offer: When you’re in a social setting, you need to take stock of both your flaws and your strengths. In the same way that you need to take account of your problems, you also need to take stock of your strengths. Knowing what lines have been used successfully in previous talks is not a necessary prerequisite for having the self-assurance to start new ones. It all begins with a genuine conviction that you have something worthwhile to add to a conversation and that others would enjoy getting to know you as much as you would enjoy sharing yourself with them. If you have this level of self-assurance, you will be able to interact with other people in a way that is more relaxed and natural.
Have a genuine interest in other people: Genuine interest and openness make it easier to strike up a discussion with new individuals and give you the confidence to introduce yourself to strangers. Develop the mind-set that interacting with new individuals is an opportunity for personal growth. It shouldn’t be that difficult; this mantra is about more than just talking to yourself. The simple act of carrying on a conversation with someone on a regular basis is one of the best ways, according to many people, to acquire knowledge on a wide range of topics, as well as about oneself and life in general. Keep in mind that your interest in a group of people does not disappear simply because you have interacted with them for some time. Even folks who you’ve known for a long time and spent a lot of time with can still surprise you with something new!
Compile a stockpile of topics that can be brought up in conversation: People who are not accustomed to managing discussions with ease may find their first few attempts to be uncomfortable. You can rely on some advised conversation starters while you are still getting your bearings in this new environment. These are some of them:
Please tell us about yourself. Offering both your name and your hand as a conversation starter is the simplest approach to get the ball rolling on a new exchange. In the event that you are the one to break the silence, you are extending an invitation to the other person to carry on a conversation. It would be great if you could make the introduction while wearing a smile.
– Make a remark about something that is going on in the immediate area, such as the venue or the event that you and the other person are attending. Things that you and the other person can connect to are excellent conversation starters because they do not alienate either of you. To illustrate, “Do you agree that it’s quite busy here tonight?”
– Provide your thoughts on anything that the other person or persons could find interesting. For instance, if you are having a conversation with someone who is well-known for the quality of his or her art collection, you might draw attention to a piece of art that is nearby or tell him about an exhibit that you recently saw. For instance, “Hey Bob, I just found out that the National Museum is going to be doing a Renaissance week.
If you have no prior information about the person you want to start a conversation with, you can make an educated estimate about their interests by subtly observing what they are looking at or by analysing their looks. This will allow you to strike up a conversation with that individual. As an example, “That is a beautiful brooch. It has the appearance of an old object.”
Relax: The piece of advice to “be yourself” is generally sound when it comes to navigating social settings. Participants can make conversations more comfortable and interesting by just relaxing and allowing their personalities to shine through in the exchange of ideas. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to come up with anything hilarious, astute, or original. While you are still working on building your social skills, it is acceptable to use scripts; nevertheless, it is imperative that you also inject your own personality into the interactions you have.
Brief check
This ‘sharing’ doesn’t have to be big stuff. It can be as simple as: “It’s so lovely having this beautiful sunshine. It meant I could go canoeing this weekend and we had such a beautiful paddle.” That leaves the field open for the other person to say: “Oh, do you canoe? I used to paddle too. Where did you go?”
“Yes, it’s lovely weather. I went for a walk myself. It’s great to be outside, isn’t it?”
or even “I find the heat difficult myself, but the children loved having the paddling pool out.”
All different responses, but all sharing an emotional connection with the other person and keeping the conversation flowing.
There are four distinct levels of communication
Not only is it important to say the appropriate thing at the appropriate time, but it’s also important to refrain from saying the inappropriate thing when you have the opportunity to say it. It takes awareness of the stage a relationship is at, the setting in which the conversation is taking place, and the degree to which the person you are speaking with is comfortable. There are four different levels of communication that are differentiated by the degree and amount of personal information that is shared. They are as follows:
Small Talk: Also known as the “exchange of pleasantries” stage, is the first step in every social interaction. At this level, you are only allowed to discuss general issues, which are things that the vast majority of people feel at ease discussing. Topics that fall into this category include the climate, both of your current locations, and recent occurrences. The stage of making small conversation is where rapport is established; it allows a person to feel more at ease with you. It is also a safe and neutral way for people to subtly “measure up” one another and investigate if it is a discussion or relationship that they would want to commit time and energy into. If the light conversation goes well, you can move on to the next stage, which is the revealing of facts.
Fact Disclosure: This is the stage where you tell the other person some information about yourself, such as your occupation, where you live, and the things that you enjoy doing in your spare time. This is the “getting to know you” stage, and its purpose is to determine whether or not you and the other person share any interests or hobbies. While you are still maintaining a neutral topic of conversation, it is a sign that you are beginning to open up to the other person in some way. If the stage where the facts are disclosed goes well, you can then move on to the stage when you share your perspectives and ideas.
Points of View and Opinions: At this point in the conversation, you have the opportunity to share your thoughts on a variety of issues, such as politics, the newest business strategy, or even the most recent box office hit. It is helpful in this case to read a lot and to be curious about a wide range of topics, including politics, entertainment, and current events. The “buffering effect” of the first two stages is necessary for the exchange of perspectives and opinions for two reasons:
(a) Even if two people are having a constructive debate, it is impossible for them to address potentially divisive statements unless they have established a connection with one another.
(b) Second, communicating one’s thoughts and ideas to another person exposes them to the scrutiny of that other person, which necessitates a certain degree of safety and trust between the parties involved in the conversation. There is a range of degrees to which an idea might be considered controversial and, as a result, possibly offensive; during the beginning stages of your relationship, it is important that you avoid venturing outside of the “safe zone.”
Personal Feelings: The revelation and recognition of one’s own personal feelings constitutes the fourth step. For example, you may talk about how excited you are about the new project or how worried you are about your son’s upcoming performance on the piano. You may be able to divulge more personal topics, depending on the circumstances and the degree of relationship between the two of you. Because of the personal nature of the topic being discussed, this stage necessitates confidence, rapport, and even an honest relationship between the two parties.
When it comes to opening up about feelings, various people have varying degrees of ease, and there are situations in which you may need to have multiple talks with someone before they would trust you enough to open up about themselves. There are various circumstances in which you do not reach this level. Before starting a conversation on something personal, make sure to exercise caution and gauge the other person’s level of comfort.
Listening is essential during the entirety of the talk, but it is of the utmost importance during this fourth stage. Listen with compassion and comprehension to show that you have recognized that you have heard the feeling that they have shared with you.
Practical Application
Susan was in the middle of a jam-packed art display when she noticed a local artist named Glenn standing apart from the other attendees. She approached and commented, “Hey, this place definitely is packed these days.” He assented, and then he made his introduction. She then started making light conversation about the exhibit, to which Glenn responded favourably. They engaged in idle chatter for a bit until Susan inquired about Glenn. After that, they talked about their professions and the things that interested them. They first got to know a little bit about each other, and then they began talking about their individual perspectives and ideas on various works of art, as well as the artists who created them.
